Love is not an easy thing for me. I don’t take it lightly, and it doesn’t come and go like the weather. For me, it builds… like a horrendous storm about to wreak havoc on a city – years of rebuilding from the damage. It drains me because I can’t help but put in 150% and then some. I just can’t fathom doing it half-ass.

‘Cause If you’re something different in my eyes, unapologetically yourself, and kinda rough around the edges… chances are I’m gonna drop everything for you… A hard shell with the biggest heart hidden inside – the ones that don’t think they’re worth much. I’m a sucker. Maybe it’s that I see my reflection in them, maybe that I love to build people up… I know the lows so well that I don’t wish it on anyone. And I’m smart enough to know wishing hate will just bring it double time right back in your face.

Only a select few have grabbed my attention through my 23 years here… and the memories are burned into my brain. If it’s easily forgotten by the time you have healed completely, then I’m sorry, that wasn’t it. Those real loves… never heal completely – scar tissue forms.

I don’t believe in the thought that if it was really love, then you can’t be friends. I think the realest ones… they were meant to come to you, the connection had to be undeniable to grab your attention and your trust. It’s sick but this is how we learn – now you’ve got this person before you that you adore, love, trust…. and for whatever reason life decides to throw at you, they break you. They were a lesson. Unfortunate but it’s the best way we learn.

If you allow yourself to feel it, analyze it, and let it go, you will be better for it. And when it’s real, in time you may see the reasons it wouldn’t have lasted, but you will never stop feeling that connection. Those are your soul mates. And because of that connection you may remain in touch, become the best of friends, or just friendly… you’ll never stop wishing the best things for them. Or just silently cheer them on from the sidelines. That’s what I truly believe.

If shit hits the fan, you eventually heal and then never see them again nor think much of them, no respect remains… I don’t feel that was ever really a legitimate love. That was not real. Because no matter how painful it could be seeing this person with someone else, being there for them and just being their friend… it’s so much better than disconnecting… because it means the world to just be in their life.

Life beats us down so much, you can gain and lose so much in the matter of minutes… what remains is these connections. The best treasures can’t physically be taken from you. This is the knowledge I’ve dissected from life. I treasure my mind so much, the knowledge and wisdom it holds… the connections my heart holds, my material possessions have downsized significantly as I grow older… I find myself annoyed with having a lot of belongings… clutter. I hate it. Anyway – It’s good to have your own opinions and beliefs… these are mine. Don’t be afraid to stand out… a wolf among sheep.

Ciara Leah

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