It’s easy to accept an apology, only when you’ve healed. Accepting someone’s apology to your self is an inside job… it requires you to do the work – not them. Which hardly seems fair, right? They hurt you… and you have to do work. You have to clean up their mess. I’m human, and like anyone else… I don’t like getting hurt. But a part of me, twisted maybe, likes it. I love learning and growing. But growth is always painful. It’s like those of you out there who love the pain after a good workout. I love mental growth, and maybe I don’t love how it hurts, I know it means I’m getting stronger.
By the time you get it – the apology – you don’t care whether you have it or not. The apology symbolizes the healing (the work) being finished. We become fixated on an apology, in attempt to avoid doing the work. It’s not laziness. It’s because it is one of the hardest things… to feel completely, to acknowledge a betrayal, a heartbreak, a lost loved one… we are conditioned to avoid pain whenever we can, however we can. It’s a human response. We don’t like to feel uncomfortable. When you no longer need or want the apology is when you know you have healed.
Sorry has never meant much to me. What I look for… is in the eyes. I don’t need to hear sorry… I need to feel it and see it. I say words are so powerful and they are, I believe that. But there are words and phrases that have become meaningless from abuse. The thing is… when you’re down, and you’re cleaning up after the mess someone else made… and it hurts… I’m sorry doesn’t do you any favours. What I haven’t figured out yet is… what can they do? If there are no magic words, and if you have to do the work yourself… what can they do?