Isn’t it Ironic?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, the hardest lesson to grasp, is that everything you so desire… will always find you the second you stop caring whether you have it or not. Life is completely ironic, Alanis Morissette had it right.

I’ve spent my working life in the service industry – restaraunts, catering, events. More specifically, I ooh’d and awe’d over slingin’ pans and roasting myself over grills. I fell in love with the hard work, dedication, the blood, sweat, tears and endless burns and scars the kitchen gifted to me. In return, I felt accomplished, valued and my creative soul was brimming with joy.

It’s a love/hate industry. Add in a few personal life traumas, day to day struggles and growing through your teens to early twenties… and, well, I gave up and restarted a thousand times over. Until I made the decision to end what was starting to feel like a toxic relationship. At this point, I had a child and a heaping pile of personal issues I was ignoring that didn’t mix well with the demanding kitchen atmosphere.

I moved on. Hit restart. Went to school, went through more trials and tribulations, failed at what seemed like everything I touched. Which sent me into a deep, dark hole of self-pity where the mantra that played on repeat went a little something like, “what’s the point?”.

I quit working, I quit just about everything. The one and only thing I kept constant and alive was time and care for my son. Always, always, always.

But things turned to a state of emergency when I couldn’t pay my bills anymore. Instead of holding out for the perfect job, specifically what I had gone to school for, I started scouring for any old kitchen job. I had become so hateful of the kitchen and its atmosphere that I hated myself for having to do it. I felt like I was going backwards and I will honestly admit, my pride was hurt. I tried to make a better life for myself and Owen, and I failed.

I got a few gigs and bailed. More depression.

It wasn’t until I swallowed my pride, started taking some action and facing the things I was afraid of head on. Everything just started to spiral from there. I was signed up for a new course that had more promise and I had put in the proper research beforehand. I was feeling good and then I get a call. One of the kitchen gigs that I had really wanted phoned me after a month of silence following the interview.

I snatched the opportunity immediately, I was in no position to turn anything down. Following that, I had found out my EI claim had been approved, though there were issues and it seemed unlikely I would get it. Somehow all the stars just started aligning. So because I was receiving the EI benefits, I finally had some financial relief and this would float me until school started. Which also meant, I didn’t care overly about impressing the pants off everyone in the kitchen.

To be extremely honest, I wasn’t entirely afraid of being fired or losing the job, either. But I enjoy working hard, take pride in what I do, and I’m quite OCD about cleanliness, so I’m the employee who follows the “time to lean, time to clean” policy. So I did well. So many things I often struggled with in the kitchen, things I could never quite get a proper grasp of, just started to come easy. There was no desperation, no absolute need to impress. There was just work to be done and enjoyed.

Within less than a month I became more trusted and valued than employees who had been there for years. Chef was searching for a sous during my first interview with him, something I have never imagined I would overcome my weaknesses to achieve, has now informally asked if I would be interested in filling that position. Knowing I have made other commitments and somewhat moved on from the kitchen.

Things I dreamed of came knocking once I stopped longing for them. I stopped feeling like I needed them to be happy. You are infinite as you are. Simply as you are, nothing added. It takes absolutely nothing to be happy. You have a mind, you have a body. Breathe in… did you feel that? Hey, you’re alive! Neat, right?!

Bottom line, what I take away from this, don’t take things so damn seriously. Live each day like you’re going to die, because you are.

And on that note, gratitude. I will always preach it. It’s life-changing to spend each day counting your blessings and realize you are not entitled to all of this, you get to have all of this. And that’s frickin’ amazing. For example, I’m so grateful for my dingy little $20 coffee maker. I use it everyday, it never fails me, and I remember not everyone has this luxury.

 

Gratitude & a sense of humor. I swear by it.

 

c i a r a   l e a h

 

 

 

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Nobody Likes You When You’re 23

It’s true, isn’t it? I get it. 23 has been the year for me with the most hardships, coming at all angles, in every aspect of my life. New struggles, as well as old ones.

It’s like when you’re 18, you’re jogging on a treadmill. Your face is bright, your eyebrow is cocked on one side. You are owning this shit. You think you’re rocking this adult thing, albeit you have few debts, a few simple bills (or lack thereof), and you haven’t experienced enough of the evils of the world yet.

Now you’re 20. Add in a bad knee, some lego pieces to the treadmill, and maybe a paper airplane or two flying past your head. Alright, this is trickier. But manageable.

Skip ahead three more years. 23. It’s full blown chaos. You still haven’t learned how to deal with life, cause where is that class and can I sign up? You’re still young enough to be dumb, but old enough you shouldn’t be anymore.

The treadmill is lava, and everything is smashing you directly in the face. Bills months past due, student loans from certificates that got you nowhere, more than just a cute mini-muffin top around your waist, counting pennies just to keep your utilities from shutting off, no time, no energy, and no motivation to keep trying after all this has piled up.

Circuit overload. So you retreat. Cancel plans. Start acting more cynical and selfish than you normally would. You feel like you just need more time. More time to deal, more time for no-one-understands-me kind of sulking, and the usual moans and groans of life. Voila! No one wants to play with the pity-party-23 year old.

This is the first time you’re dealing with it, this is the first time you’ve ever been 23! Let’s not repeat this age again, so wipe away the tears, dust yourself off and start picking away. Start figuring it out now, so you aren’t learning 23 year old stuff when you’re 26. We all do it, put it off, procrastinate, drink, party, what-have-you.

But it’s all manageable, one piece at a time. I’m 9 months into my 23rd year and I spent every minute of it giving up. 9 months to the day, actually. I still woke up feeling like crap today, but I decided pushing through was more important than staying stuck. I felt like crap ANYWAY, so what was I worried a 30-minute workout was going to do? Feel like crap? Oh, no! So I did it. That’s my baby step of the day.

The way I see it, you can do things in the moment that feel good, such as eating unhealthy, binging alcohol and Netflix, ignoring financials, BUT – the bad feelings always come after. Do the unappealing things like eating vegetables and reading, and you will reap the benefits afterwards. Every single thing has a pro and con, whether you get the con first or after.

ADULTHOOD. You can avoid it, but it will pile up until you’re picturing yourself on a lava-filled treadmill being chased by a group of angry trolls. Make time for the boring stuff. You’ll thank yourself later.

So here I am, pictured above, with my post-baby pouch. Can I still call it post-baby if he is 3.5 years old? I’m actually asking. But anyway, this is day one. The rules are simple, yet we complicate it. Eat more veggies, less fried foods. Less alcohol, more tea. Read more. Take more walks in the sunshine. Simple rules.

I’m simplifying my life. Cutting the drama. Making time for the real and important stuff. Getting back to my nature-loving, wild roots. The girl with tangles in her hair and sunshine in her eyes. This is day one of my journey back to basics. To feel real again, cut away the materialistic and superficial crap I’ve swallowed over the years.

There’s no magic pill, no 10 step plan, no cookie cutters. Hard work, perseverance, patience, sunshine.

Here we go, 23, let’s make up for the last 9 months while there’s still time.

 

P e a c e,

Ciara Leah

 

5 Simple Rules for Being a Good & Successful Human

I’m addicted to change and innovation, new connections and opportunities. I say yes A LOT. It doesn’t matter what it is or if you have no clue how it’s going to benefit you, because it just might bring the best things or people into your life. Always connect.

 

When you’ve got a good feeling, follow it. Your gut knows. The connection between our gut and brain is amazing. So when that voice in your head is saying YES, THIS, DO IT. I’d listen, if I were you.

 

Erase the word ‘shortcut’ from your brain. It will save you a lot of disappointment, grief and wasted time. Time that could be spent building a sturdy foundation. There is no shortcut to something you want to last and you miss out on a lot of valuable knowledge taking the shortcut. Ever hear the term “take the scenic route”? Where you take a longer way, but the scenery is worth it. Yeah – do that.

 

When you take the time to build meaningful connections, they stick with you. And you help build each other up. But if you’re looking for a quick way to the top, pushing other’s heads down to lift yourself up, you will tumble at the first slight breeze.

 

It’s so important to stay humble. Do you enjoy the company of someone who thinks they are better than you? No. Do you want to support their business, personal goals, or help build them up with that kind of attitude? Hell no. This one is just simple.

 

peace & love,

C i a r a   L e a h

 

When Stress has got you in a Chokehold, Remember These Three Things…

 

  1. Chasing balance is overrated. You will get tired trying to maintain a juggling act. Life is meant to be kinda haywire. It’s a ride and you gotta hold on. Sometimes you eat out all week, sometimes you meal prep your entire month in advance. I think the beauty comes from letting go of perfection. Balance is good, great even. But maybe balance can also be about not always being in control of your life, and letting things ride. Other times, you’re super-woman armed with a planner, pen and a cute travel mug. But allow yourself the days where your inner-hippie can emerge with flower’s in your hair, sun shining on your smiling face as you lay back in the grass and let the world breeze by you. And both are okay.

 

  1. Over-thinking never has and never will solve your problems. Having every upcoming minute of your life planned out has never been relaxing. Because when something doesn’t go as planned… oh shit. Now pass that brown paper bag. I get it because I’ve lived it. And what I hear the most is, once anxiety hits, I can’t just stop. And I understand how difficult that is. Because I just spent the morning talking myself down from a panic attack. Literally over nothing in particular. Well, there were things, but all solvable, doable things. But listen, we start to panic because we don’t feel in control and we are afraid of the unknown. We start thinking in double-time to try to solve all the problems at once, and essentially, create a plan in our heads of how things will go so we can relax and know what might happen. But that’s silly, right? If you can jump into the unknown with two feet, and learn to love the chaos – I mean you’re living this chaos in your head already anyway, right? – You can beat the anxiety. Get out of your head and get into the world because the time will pass, either way.

 

  1. When in doubt, always simplify. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, start subtracting. Take the least important things away first, just erase them from your mental to-do list. Or even clean the slate entirely and then begin with your most important. And start there. Just stay focused on that one task, whatever it may be. But also, I’m a big fan of clearing your physical space to inspire a clear mind. Are those old tennis shoes you never wear, collecting dust in your closet, kind of, sort of, well… eating away at your brain? Distracting your focus? C h u c k  t h e m. Or sell, if you wish. Donate, ideally. Please don’t throw away perfectly good shoes, forget I said that. Just start subtracting.

 

And then tell stress to eat your shorts, cause you got better things to spend your time doing, lady (or gentleman).

 

just peace & love,

Ciara Leah

 

 

 

The Top 5 Things you Need to Quit Shaming Yourself for, like, Yesterday

Hey Lady!

So as I sit here with my yoga pants yanked high over my mom belly, I dig into a pan of frozen lasagna I so shamelessly tossed in the oven an hour ago. No plates, just fork and tin. No portions this way, either (gasp!). With that, I recall the half a bottle of Honey Jack sitting pretty in my freezer. I can almost taste how crisp she is after collecting frost all night, but I snap back into reality with just enough time to close my jaw before any drool can escape.

That’s when I decided what I had to do. THIS.

Shame ain’t my game, anymore. And it’s the worst game to play as a new mom, with a tiny alien crawling all over you all day. Okay, okay, BABY. I meant baby. Jeez.

Not to mention there are A LOT of new games for you to play as a mom. And things to do. Babies to keep alive. Yourself to keep in somewhat functioning order. Right? So who has the goddamn time for shame!

  1. Not Using the Right Anything

Oh, shit! That towel isn’t 100% koala tears & bamboo leaves. How will our baby get dry? NOTHING WE OWN IS ORGANIC. The thing is, there are sensitive cases, where a certain product, or a certain way of doing something caused a child to… well, let’s just say THINGS WENT HORRIBLY WRONG. And that mama, as she should, took to social media and set off alarm bells in every new mama’s head. Thus, the whole world puts the kibosh on that product like it was made by satan. Hey – some people are allergic to peanuts. So. Should the whole world stop eating peanuts? I’m just saying. Take it all with a grain of salt, use your own judgement and common sense. Think of how you were raised. Breathe, and simplify mama! Your no-name products just mean you want to keep a roof over your babies precious little heads.

2. A Half-Ass Diet (Repeat After Me: CARBS ARE MY FRIEND)

Oh, buddy… carbs. If your kids are under the age of five especially, then yeah, don’t try to cut carbs out of your diet. If you do, then NO ONE will want to be your friend, and you’re after dissing carbs, so carbs won’t have your back, either. Just kidding, carbs are always there waiting for you to come back to your senses, babe. By all means, try your hand at portion-control. Totally! But a zero-carb diet for a new mom, well let’s just say I tried it. My little minion couldn’t kick the dreaded thrush, so I decided to try and cut out yeast and sugar. It was a bad two days for everyone. Two days. I’m a determined little spitfire, but NOPE. That is all. Side note that I never claimed to be a diet specialist, nutritionist or body coach, that ain’t my game. But I’ll remind you to exercise your mind & soul, lady, don’t forget it.

3. A Well-Rehearsed Verse of ‘Me, Myself & I’ by Beyonce

Sing it, girl. In front of your mirror into your wine bottle, if you must. Mom needs alone time – paws off, clean shirt free of peanut butter smudges, oh! and washing your face with an actual cleanser, not just sliding a baby wipe over it. Now that’s a half a spa day right there. Meditate, meditate, meditate. You can say it ain’t your thing, but I suggest you find a way to make it your thing. Every one’s mind needs to rest, to be as it is – no clutter. Clean it up, free all the rubble and garbage rolling around up there (paw patrol theme song, anyone?) and you will tackle all of those extra little things you normally feel too bogged down to do… like taking out the trash! Am I right, though? Clean your slate, do something for yourself. It’s those gosh darn little things, somethin’ bout ’em. Makes you feel all bright, shiny and new again. Then you can come back and be a kick-ass mom who makes her kids feel like they’re awesome and loved. Win win.

4. Being Human

Why would you feel shameful about being human, you might ask? Good question. We are flawed individuals. Sometimes we snap at our most loved. Sometimes we go on strike against hygiene and don’t shower for four days. And sometimes our lovely little spawn eat chips for dinner and go to bed in a blanket fort at midnight. Woops. For the love of MEMORIES. These human moments tend to be our most loved memories, the moments we strayed from being perfect, strayed from our planner book and our routines. Kick off your rain boots and dance barefoot in the rain with ya bad selves!

5. Not Living in a Fucking Mansion Made of Gold

Know where my fondest childhood memories took place? OUTSIDE. IN THE DIRT. AND THE FOREST. Not sitting around a wonky ikea kid’s table with cavier and champagne. Feed your kid’s souls with life’s priceless treasures. I’m not sure where it became a thing, that a successful household has brand name food, shiny new furniture, and a toy room busting with the newest toys, but don’t hold yourself to that standard. If you have the money, cool. If you don’t, don’t beat yourself up over it. All I’m saying is money doesn’t measure your parenting skill. If you’re nodding your head along with all this, I’m sure you’re gonna be just fine, sista.

Welcome to the hot mess mama club, we never meet cause we’d all be late or cancelling, anyway.

peace, love, & lasagna,

Ciara Leah

 

 

We Need To Just Chill.

We think we need to try so hard. For the love of all that is good and holy, we need to just be. Let life be. Stop trying so hard. Breathe it in… is it any wonder we’re all getting sicker, mental illness on the rise, cancer? We overload ourselves with stress because we feel like we are standing still otherwise. Stress is the killer. If we aren’t overwhelmed, pulling our hair out, missing birthdays, and snapping at strangers then… we aren’t successful? We aren’t trying hard enough at life? Um….. so?

What is so wrong with standing still? Why is just being so hard for us to wrap our brains around. I get that life is short, and I’ll be the first to admit I love being busy. But what I need more of…. Is to chill. You can still be busy, but quit killing yourself. Be as busy as you want, but for god sake, chill out. Never linger in either end of the spectrum for too long… they say life is about balance for a reason.

Being alone with our mind, sitting still… no distraction. This is becoming the world’s biggest fear. And likely why we love to be busy, right? No duh, hey. Needing a distraction is just a fear of our own damn mind. You can’t control your mind by being afraid of it. We abuse everything we can that will help us avoid our mind. The thing is… the world isn’t going to crumble beneath you. If it does, it’s a fluke. Being alone with your thoughts won’t cause it. So nix it. This fear… life’s too short to live in fear. The world is gonna keep turning whether you live fearfully or boldly. Life is short, we said already. So…..What’s to be scared of? Your mind is INSIDE of you. Yet we act like it’s an intruder that we need to destroy. Make peace with your mind, talk to it, get to know it. Let ‘em call you crazy. They’re crazy not to. It’s literally a part of you. Screw what they think. Take care of your mind, it will take care of you.

Would we seriously rather trust someone else’s thoughts and opinions over ours… out of fear that ours will be rejected? That means… putting your life, your future… in someone else’s hands. What path are they gonna lead you down? We’re walking blindly through the forest when we could be opening our eyes and exploring it for ourselves.

Life hasn’t gone perfectly for me, I wasn’t born with this knowledge. This took 23 years to create. I know some scoff at that. 23 years? That’s nothing. Try another decade of heartbreak, let-downs and traumas. Maybe it’s that I have a low threshold for pain? No, It’s because I’m a fighter. Pain is all I know, it has passed the threshold before I was barely old enough to remember. I’ve had to be a fighter. When being strong is your only choice, it becomes second nature… to fight. So the way I see it is why go another decade… why not change things now when I know I can. Is that so crazy?

I have this insane habit, where I will always try to find a way to better my situation. No matter what. I’ve been evicted, I’ve had negative 50 dollars to feed myself with (spoiler alert: I went hungry). I have put my all into people, just to have them walk away without a word, goodbye, or explanation. There one minute, gone the next. I have had to pick the pieces of my heart up by myself enough times, one too many. All its done is drove me. Lit a fire in my belly. Cause screw that. Why? Why keep suffering when you can change it? That to me is crazy.

Crazy isn’t caring about the world and about people, crazy isn’t thinking you can do what you set your mind to, crazy isn’t being whoever the hell you want to be. Crazy is sittin’ in the corner pouting about your life. Crazy is putting on the exact same outfit you see all over social media that 100s of others are wearing. Crazy is being a dime a dozen when you can be a one in a million. Crazy is talking and wishing and dreaming but not being. Practice what you preach, right? Go ahead, ask me – how much do I care? What the world is gonna think of my words… What they think of me? I have no clue cause I haven’t bothered to look into it, or ponder on it.

They say I’m young, but this world makes me feel aged. At 23, I’m exhausted by this generation. I’m just so damn tired of it… and I’m speaking about the majority that is seen, talked about, generalized. I know there are tons of firecrackers out there. And I hope that one day, they take over. We need a refresh button. Wash our minds of all these rules and guidelines. You need to wear this, look like that, don’t speak in this way and know your damn place? Big fuckin’ whoop. I’m over it.

That’s all I’ve got. Relax, and just live as long as the world keeps turning…

And if it seems like I’m angry, I’m not. It’s passion, my friends. Go find yours.

 

Ciara Leah

A long winded note to those who don’t have baby-fever… (It’s friggin’ OK)

Can we talk about this whole havin’ babies thing for a minute? The world’s changing. Yet the majority out there cling to what’s comfortable. And what makes them uncomfortable? Those people who…wait for it… DO NOT WANT A FRICKIN’ BABY. Is that really that surprising still?

The first year of my son’s life nearly destroyed me. Mind you, I was 20 years old and thought I might have had an inkling of an idea of what I was getting myself into. Let’s all laugh for a good minute on that one. It wasn’t pretty. I’m not a crier, I’m pretty sure my tear ducts have been sealed with concrete. But I cried. A lot. Ugly cried on the bathroom floor with the water running so hard that I could maybe, hopefully drown out the demon screams of my beautiful, wonderful, miracle.

There was too much that I had zero experience in. Having a new baby is one thing. A baby who had all these things I knew nothing about. While adjusting to no sleep, diaper changes and feeding… I also had to learn all about thrush, reflux, fucking colic? All things that make your baby scream for what feels like every waking minute of your life. I don’t care what anyone says – hours of endless crying makes you go insane. Seriously insane.

I didn’t even get a free minute to check in with myself, see how I was doing. Well it wasn’t great. I was becoming angry. Like frothing at the mouth, white hot anger. I had never been that kind of person. I was angry at the world. Angry that instead of holding my baby his first moments, I was waking up alone in the ICU unable to speak, no idea where my baby was or why he wasn’t with me. Angry that after all that, he wasn’t easy on me. I wanted to bond, and he wanted to scream at me. Angry that I couldn’t stand up and pick him up when he cried cause I was healing. And so on and on and on.

For anyone that knows me, has likely never heard me yell. Most haven’t. Well… let’s just say I found my voice. I was dealing with post partum depression and had no clue. I was trying so hard to be Owen’s mom, and forgot I was myself first. And Owen needed her. Not this twisted up, angry, miserable unrecognizable version of me.

Enough about me, I’m just saying it’s fucking hard. And after that first year, it’s still hard. Every minute of every day. Forever. We may not deal with the same issues as when he was one but it changes everyday. New ones that I haven’t experienced before. It will always be hard, but I adapt and keep trying because Owen saved my life in a weird kind of way. We were meant to be. That’s my story. If you don’t want that, the good and the bad, til death do you part… It might not be for you. If you like your lifestyle, your sleep, yadda yadda. It’s friggin OK.

I had one. One and done. And that in its own makes people uncomfortable. Well, if you had one… you need to have ALL THE BABIES, RIGHT? So much no to that. My body and mind went through hell. Give them a rest and mind your own business. Or ya know, have your own babies. You’ll be too busy to bother me about having more.

What is this obsession? It takes so much of me to give Owen all my love, time and effort. And I take the time now for myself so I don’t go back down that road… the anger, and irritation towards anyone and everyone. I want a life of my own, too. I love Owen and want to teach him to be independent. This is the life I’m choosing.

Choose yours and those that want to guilt you, honestly, can fly a damn kite. Enough guilt. Life’s hard enough. And there’s enough people havin’ babies. There’s no shortage of people in the world, we aren’t becoming extinct any time soon. Ease your mind, go have a drink while eating sushi and sleep in late cause you friggin’ can!

 

Ciara Leah

Let’s talk about Death, baby

Maybe it’s that I died. Literally heart stopped – gone. Or that I’ve wanted to more times than I can count on two hands. I realize how dreary those words must sound… but to me, just saying them out loud I feel like a bag of feathers and a bucket of sunshine. It’s just my truth, we as humans add emotion to it.

Maybe being so low for so long, and sabotaging any happiness that came along cause it was a stranger to me… it was uncomfortable, uncharted territory. Maybe these things are what gave me this perspective.

I just can’t care anymore. I mean that in the best way possible.

I can’t care about anything superficial or materialistic. I just can’t. Drama, games, ignorance, and cowards, as well. Nope. These are a few of my least favourite things! Just a big nope.

What the heck is a trend? I know what I like, not what the rest of the world likes.

And please, if you are wasting your time worrying that no one “liked” your post or your picture on social media…. Go for a fucking walk in nature and rethink your life.

The thing is… time is precious and it absolutely flies. What if I had passed away that night? Giving birth to my son, barely 20 years old. This is a second kick at the can. I wanna do this right.

I’ll die with the biggest smile knowing that I put myself out there. Knowing I put something in the world that wasn’t there before. Regardless of recognition, “likes”, mock me, even. I will be smiling even bigger.

Cause the thing is, I shouldn’t be here right now. A part of me did die that night. I put to rest all of the shy, scared, worry-filled parts of me. I’m a mom now – time to buck up. A little boy needs me, there’s no time to worry about what people think of me.

The moment I will feel I have failed my son, is not when we fall short of a picture perfect family image, but if I fall short of being myself, of being real and humble.

What’s a perfect family to you? Do you picture split parents, a small basement apartment, a cupboard full of canned goods and a gas tank teasing the red line? Doubtful. But look closer. There’s always more than meets the eye, I promise you. This may be what gets me in trouble more often than not, that I give people a chance that most would turn away, or call a “low-life”, or a “loser”. That may be my downfall. I just know there is always more to people than we will ever know. And you can’t measure a person by their bank account.

When you have nothing, you learn right away how to be happy with less. More time spent connecting with humans not computers. Anxiety is becoming a problem because of our environment. We’re getting overwhelmed cause there’s way too damn much information and media at our fingertips, we get sucked in. Like I said before – Go! Go for a walk.

Leave your phone on the table, erase every superficial thought and materialistic desire and go breathe, let yourself just be… be you, no pressure, no anxiety to fit in or make anyone else happy…. Now tell me how good that feels. I promise.

Live something real before you start dying full of regrets.

 

Ciara Leah

 

 

 

Do You Know Me Yet?

Here’s a question… because I’ve shared some of my thoughts, talked about my life, bared my soul a little – or a lot… do you know me now?

Can you really know someone through the Internet? No. If they honestly spew their deepest hopes and dreams, their timeline and stats? Still, no. I don’t believe you can.

Damn social media skewing our perceptions again, am I right? It feels all too easy to feel like you know someone just because you can see into their life over social media. What they choose to share with the world… well wait, hold up… there’s a key word there. Choose. What they choose to share.

Truth is we could hardly know someone we consider a close friend, someone we know in person and see often… but let’s not climb down that rabbit hole tonight.

I get to choose what I share on this blog, I haven’t even touched on the tip of the iceberg of my life through this. The iceberg hasn’t even impacted this ship, if you will. Only dented, if that. What am I even talking about again?

But anyway, there’s more to it than just what someone chooses to share with the world. You just can’t know someone through a screen. No matter how hard you try. See there’s these little things that make us unique. Not the big things, not the big things at all.

It’s the quirks. For example… I need to check all the outlets in the house before I leave everytime to make sure nothing is plugged in, turned on, you know – gonna set the house on fire? Sometimes I do three laps in a row. Okay maybe that isn’t a quirk. The word disorder comes to mind… ANYWAY!

It’s knowing the way someone smiles… knowing each different smile, and what each one means. It’s knowing what they’re thinking or feeling when they haven’t changed face or even flinched. To study someone up close is the only real way to know them. I don’t like using the word study there… pay attention to, rather. These things get left out through a screen. Who could guess what I look like typing this right now? I’m sure some of my closest might have a guess. And probably right, too.

Hair unbrushed and untamed, dressed in black with a cheap beer in my hand… dark circles under my eyes lookin’ a little hazed… who guessed it right? Adele, I’m lookin’ at you. (Pounds! Uh! Two times!)

Do I really gotta ruin the serious and deep train thought I had going by calling out my best friend? Oh absolutely. I’ll derail this train thought anytime, any day for my old pal Stew.

TO WRAP THIS UP:

I’ve derailed this train thought so damn hard, I don’t know which ways up.

But hey, when it comes to social media… what you see ain’t always what you get. No duh, right? But we forget that! You might say yeah, I know, I know. But then continue to compare yourself to other peoples Bragbook posts. There’s nothin’ wrong with a little showing off… I say do it, celebrate you and show the world how proud you are. But there’s a line… learn to find it. I can’t tell you how, but do.

My most scatterbrained post to date but hey, if they don’t find you helpful or interesting, they can at least find you humorous. If all that fails then you’re SOL.

 

Ciara Leah

My Little Boy

My little boy
I forget how little you truly are
While your heart beams with compassion
I know this gets heavy on your soul
I begin to worry, and start to fret
When I think of all the heartbreak in store yet
But then you smile, and my worries fade
For I know you’ve got it, the armour and the blade

My boy you’ve grown, but you have a ways to go yet

I’ll replace your stickers and storybooks
For baseball bats and concerned looks,
When you scurry in past curfew
Remember I love you best

Anything you may do, I’m sure I’ve done it too
This how I know you’ll be okay
I bleed the same as you

But for now I’ll still hold you, long as my arms can bare
I’ll count each toe and finger
And cherish just how rare
You are to this world, my dear little boy
Don’t forget me when you aren’t so little23231384_10159552641115123_2461561730647318159_n

Ciara Leah